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am i living my life?

it's over 1 am right now, can't sleep and do not know why.
here i go again, it's been a while ya since i didnt even access this very blog of mine.
then, here i am again, over and over again write just anything that comes across my mind right now.
i was just wondering whether so far i'm lving my life or just alive.
i wanna live my life and i just wanna make myself trust in me, i mean, how do i say it? it's like im trying to convince myself that i'm not simply alive but im living my life.
whats the difference? try to figure it out on your own!
im bubbling right now i know.

lately, these past few weeks, there are a lot happening.
and i wanna thank God since i feel that He's being kind as always, im trying to be grateful, well...

ahya, i got home last weekend and it was nice as always,
got new dress from my mamah, money as well, lol, then eat lotta good food till im scared of gaining some weight, i dont wanna gain more weight please, unless.. what?
and i played together with my niece and nephew, they've grown up and im afraid that someday they didnt wait for me going home anymore, they are always be the reason why i came home... well, one of the reasons, but seriously they always make me miss them like forever.
and ya, almost forgot, yesterday was my father's birthday. i congratulate him, just via sms, i felt bad, sorry dad. Happy birthday and wish you always be healthy, i love you to the moon and back.
talking about it makes me think about my mom..

damn. there are a lot i wanna say.
should  i just stay up late and write every single thing that i think of right now?
why its so comfortable to do many things as night gets deeper and deeper??
just, safe and sound.

u know? just few weeks ago i feel like im almost being half-way-to-be-an-anti-social since i did find it so addictive, comfortable, to be alone, in solitude. scary, isnt it?
but, thanks to my dear, i guess im not that addicted to solitude, no longer into that extent
well, sometimes, i find it hard to express what im feeling or what im thinking, sort of introvert side coming up,
yet, i tried and i try and im trying and i will try, to uhm well idk, to be more open maybe? i cudnt find the right word

see? there are alot that i think of right now and i guess this is why i just dont feel like sleeping right now,
wud be good to have someone to talk to, right? but, im not that very good story teller i guess.

so, to sum up, i guess i have to treat my body some rest ,like...right now, i feel lil backache zzz,
indicate that i have to go to bed soon,
anyway, i does feel good to write here, i miss you my blog *absurd

last but not least, im living my life cheerfully, gratefully,
and i hope God just keep being kind and generous to give the best for me, for us :)
what is i love you? i love you too

oke, you need to stop now dee, seriously

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